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1.
03:09
Tawny Maker All that she gave was all she had 
 she said life began with us
 she said love began with us mama draws on a hope I will be fine I’ve got troubles can’t be seen she’s got love that can redeem all my minutes come twisted up one day she’ll drink a final cup tawny maker make or breaker all my lows come out swinging for my highs I’ll find space amongst the woes I’ll give shape to ugly notes all my minutes come twisted up one day she’ll drink a final cup she’s placed rubies deep in here there’s no safety left in fear tawny maker make or breaker I’ve got troubles can’t be seen she’s got love that can redeem
2.
03:40
Scattershot Every hair in place subdued I’ll no longer wear tailored moods a giant ebb and flow I’m swooping high and low youth was a pencil sketch this feels indelible I’d trade every gift I’ve received for one day off the noble trapeze I give myself to work I give myself to you I am more than you can diagnose I’m spinning gold climbing my way up from down below I’ll eat drink then go 
grief is just love with nowhere to go grief is just love
 y’know for some defeat is actually a victory
 a long drawn-out war of attrition 
I ideate and I flirt mostly it’s harmless inert 
I author my own ghost I calculate the dose
I find relief in this pencil sketch thoughts aren’t indelible I’d trade every gift I’ve received for one day off the noble trapeze can’t give myself to work can’t give myself to you I am dislocated half-and-half created
3.
05:13
Anemone I am an anemone flung open day and night my calyx will not close down I absorb both dark and light while I am raw from the latest bite chaos takes up arms this was buried in my bloodstream enkindled by alarm we are our own enemy we’re all open day and night circadian oppression we absorb electric light while we are raw from the latest bite chaos takes up arms can you feel it turning in the bloodstream enkindling alarm?
4.
03:15
Safety First I’ll absorb your fury sir I’ll even take the blame 
 you rage on and I will purr we’re colonising shame I will accommodate buckle and tolerate
 never emasculate to survive 
heartbeat thumping I defer it’s better for my health 
you’re the weather I’m demure
 and become distanced from myself 
i’m so tired of being kind to angry men 
safety first I’ve rehearsed like a maniac 
i’m so tired of locking rooms up in me once again 
safety first safety first safety first safety first safety first
 movements come and movements go 
 walking on eggshells and tightropes 
I will soothe myself myself it’s not despair that hurts it’s hope 
I’m so tired of being kind to angry men 
safety first I’ve rehearsed like a maniac 
I’m so tired of locking rooms up in me once again 
safety first there’s no worse aphrodisiac 
I will accommodate buckle and tolerate then I’ll self-medicate

5.
In Through The Walls I no longer trust my hunger 
I’m feeling everything and nothing at all I have clung to many pedestals 
and every time I fall I lose some skin in the game it comes in through the walls swallows me from the ground below ‘til I am no-one, and I am nowhere I have no control 
it comes in through the walls swallows me from the ground below ‘til I am no-one and I am nowhere I have no resistance left in me 
I’ve been something unbecoming a siren on her knees who eats her feelings away I have clung to many pedestals and every time I fall I lose some skin in the game
6.
I’ll admit to spying if you’ll admit to knowing it you’re in that mood where a drink won’t help but I know what will come and take a big gulp of oxygen
 remember be like water y’gonna take big gulps of oxygen and let go you’re not afraid of dying it’s the living that scares the shit out of you you cling on to your pendulum 
sometimes you have to let the storm come
 come and take a big gulp of oxygen 
remember General you are mortal y’gonna take big gulps of oxygen and let go 
Back here night time
and you are in the deepest part of the ocean 
resisting the pre-storm swell 
a long vibration of the senses has loosened your peninsulas lashed at your reefs 
until you are a cork bobbing listless a pale elated piece of flotsam lost in a foliage of caves
 then thrown by the storm into the birdless air
 you land and when you land you land hard and you land messy 
green waters will breach your hull 
scattering rudder and grappling hook
your waves rolling off their shutters
 let seahorses escort you 
let drowned men sink backwards as you tread and tremble though 
delirious skies and bottomless nights
7.
04:47
8.
The Secret Of Joy I know I have a tendency to push you away
 I’m trying to stay inside my skin and climb out at the same time I never learn the names of birds 
so I can discover their song on my own when I feel alone I know I have dependencies on all the wrong things 
I’m trying get out of my head and stay sane at the same time but I perceive catastrophe in every moment in every day that’s why I push you away what will I fixate upon today? 
I know I have a tendency to push you away I’m trying to stay inside my day and climb out at the same time nothing ever seems too extreme if it numbs me but that’s not the same as serene i’ve learned that the hard way what will I fixate upon today? 
I know I have a tendency to push you away 
I’m trying to stay inside my skin and climb out at the same time I never learn the names of birds 
so I can discover their song on my own when I feel alone

credits

released November 25, 2019

CHAOTICA by Beccy Owen & The Refuge



All songs by Beccy Owen © 2019.

All rights reserved.
Produced by Beccy Owen & Julie Bartley


BECCY OWEN Vocals, piano
BECI EDEN Drums, percussion
ELIZA LAWSON Vocals on ‘Safety First’
FRANCESCA KNOWLES Drums, percussion
GAYLE ROBERTS Strings
JENNY HOY Vibraphone, percussion
JESS HOWARD Electric guitars
KATY TRIGGER Bass guitar, double bass
PAULINE MCLYNN Spoken text on ‘Scattershot’

Instruments recorded by Julie Bartley and vocals recorded by Beccy Owen at The Rooms at Immediate Audio, Byker, Newcastle

Mixed by Julie Bartley
Mastered by Jeremy Graham
Photography by Casey Orr
Art direction by Beccy Owen
Sleeve design by Bouffet Allandottir

Thank you for listening. Thanks also to Casey Orr, Boff Whalley, Rachel Loran, David Anderson, Bethan Maddocks, Jamie McCredie, Gem Andrews, Paul Susans, Pauline Mclynn, Christine Hoy, Joe Frankland, the PRS Foundation, Spencer Pritchard, Jason Thompson. Special thanks to each and every person who supported the making of this album via an on-going Patreon campaign, including the following associate producers: David Haley, Tigger McGregor, Kevin Cannell, Paul Owen, Kay Owen, Connor Haley and Mariota Dunning. Legends.

Dedicated to our families, friends and fans, for your ongoing love, support and encouragement. In solidarity with all the overcomers. The secret of joy is the mastery of pain.



“Ceridwen Speaks” contains elements of “The Drunken Boat” by Arthur Rimbaud
“Chaotica” is a term that appears in the diaries of Anäis Nin


www.beccyowen.bandcamp.com


(P) & © 2019 Fairy Snuff Records. Made in the EU. FSCD06.


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